\u201cWith the upcoming Holidays approaching fast, I find myself reflecting on the traditional Thanksgiving dinner practice of sharing what we are thankful for around the table before we enjoy Thanksgiving dinner.\u00a0 It makes me wonder, what am I genuinely grateful for and what am I programmed to recite as gratitude around the Thanksgiving dinner table?\u00a0 Does making our teens express their gratitude help them or hinder them?\u201d -Ingrid Higgins, LMFT\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n In today\u2019s wellness culture, there\u2019s a lot of emphasis on positivity and gratitude, and even an expectation around this particular Holiday to be thankful.\u00a0 But there\u2019s a fine line between genuine gratitude and what is known as \u201ctoxic positivity\u201d, where we push aside difficult emotions for the sake of forced optimism. While being positive has its place, true gratitude requires acknowledging all experiences, good and bad. And let\u2019s face it, while Thanksgiving might seem like it should be a positive experience, for some it is not \u2013 especially our stressed teens who might be finishing college applications or worrying about their grades and all of the other stresses that come with High School.\u00a0 So, let\u2019s explore the dangers of toxic positivity and how we can cultivate authentic gratitude in our own lives and the lives of the teens we love.<\/span><\/p>\n Toxic positivity is the insistence on maintaining an upbeat, positive attitude even in the face of hardship. It suggests that negativity, frustration, or sadness are “bad” and should be replaced by thoughts like \u201cit could be worse\u201d or \u201cjust look on the bright side.\u201d While this might seem like a productive way to cope, in reality, it often shuts down our authentic emotional experiences. In my professional and personal experience, teens who are exposed to toxic positivity get very good at faking it, and masking what is really going on inside of them.\u00a0 Teens go throughout their day wearing the appropriate mask and feeling terrible about what really is behind that mask.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n The problem with this mindset is that it dismisses the importance of difficult emotions. We are human: suffering, stress, and adversity are integral to our lives. By constantly pushing positivity, we risk invalidating our challenges and making it harder to process them. Rather than dealing with uncomfortable emotions head-on, toxic positivity encourages us to bury them, creating a cycle where our struggles remain unresolved.<\/span><\/p>\n The long-term effects can be detrimental. Suppressing seemingly negative or difficult emotions leads to more stress and disconnection from our authentic selves.\u00a0 It actually increases stress, builds resentment, and leads to feelings of isolation. We often hear our teen clients saying, \u201cI know my life is good\u201d and then naming all the things they should be positive about. This doesn\u2019t seem to help their depression but instead adds guilt that maybe they are not appreciating what they have enough.\u00a0 Instead of promoting well-being, toxic positivity creates pressure and guilt, making us feel as though we\u2019re failing if we don\u2019t feel constantly upbeat.<\/span><\/p>\n Genuine gratitude is a mindful, balanced approach to life. It doesn\u2019t deny hardship but acknowledges that even in difficult moments, there may still be things to appreciate. True gratitude embraces the complexity of emotions, allowing space for pain, joy, and everything in between.\u00a0 No emotion is labeled as \u201cbad\u201d, instead they are all seen as important messengers in life.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Rather than forcing ourselves to be grateful for everything, it\u2019s about being intentional and realistic, avoiding jumping to worst-case scenarios. Jon Kabat Zinn refers to this potential blunder as \u201cfull catastrophe living,\u201d a cognitive distortion that prompts people to jump to the worst possible conclusion or feel they are in crisis when they are merely upset or sad.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Gratitude also helps to improve mental health by reframing how we view our lives. When we practice genuine gratitude, we stop judging our feelings as simply “good” or “bad.” Instead, we begin to see our emotions as a spectrum, with each playing an important role. Gratitude doesn’t mean ignoring pain or discomfort; it means finding value in all aspects of life, even when things aren\u2019t ideal.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n So how do we find balance between practicing gratitude and acknowledging reality? Here are a few key strategies:<\/span><\/p>\n Ultimately, practicing genuine gratitude requires embracing life\u2019s complexities, because after all, we humans are made up of them! Rather than pushing away difficult emotions for the sake of toxic positivity, we can cultivate a more meaningful sense of gratitude by acknowledging both the highs and lows and giving our teens permission to do the same.<\/span><\/p>\n By recognizing that gratitude can coexist with hardship, we create space for a fuller, more authentic range of emotions that nurture our well-being. Be sure to remind yourself of this as we proceed through the upcoming holiday season. And if you are someone you love could benefit from support during these coming months, do not hesitate to reach out. Our team is happy to guide you through the highs and lows. You can contact our office at (408) 628-0532 for more information!<\/span><\/p>\n Let’s embrace the complexities of life and cultivate authentic gratitude together.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Navigating Toxic Positivity\u00a0and Honoring Genuine Emotions \u201cWith the upcoming Holidays approaching fast, I find myself reflecting on the traditional Thanksgiving dinner practice of sharing what we are thankful for around the table before we enjoy Thanksgiving dinner.\u00a0 It makes me wonder, what am I genuinely grateful for and what am I programmed to recite as…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":3253,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3251","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nToxic Positivity vs. Practicing Genuine Gratitude\u00a0<\/b><\/h3>\n
The Pitfalls of Toxic Positivity<\/b><\/h4>\n
Practicing Genuine Gratitude<\/b><\/h4>\n
How to Balance Gratitude and Realism<\/b><\/h4>\n
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